Hey beauts. Long time no see! I haven't blogged in almost a month and I've missed it so much. I took a break so I could concentrate on revision for my mocks. Also in January I sadly lost my nan which meant I extended my blogging break for a little longer. However, I'm now back and here to stay for as long as possible - there's no getting rid of me that easily. I wanted to ramble on a bit today about a few things that have been getting to me a lot recently.
First up body shaming and body confidence. Nothing sickens me more than when people slag off other peoples bodies. 'She's so fat'. 'look at her stretch marks'. Why do we care so much about the way other people look?! Why do we get bothered if somebody has stretch marks, it doesn't mean there fat, You can simply get stretch marks from puberty. Also when we call others out for being too skinny and showing too much bone. Everybody has a beautiful body, every body comes in its own individual shape and size. I slag of my own body A LOT. I hate staring at my own body, It upsets me so much when I can't bare to stand in front of the mirror. When I was younger and didn't have a phone, I was so confident and my body didn't bother me at all. A few months after getting my phone and other forms of social media, I started seeing other girls posting photos and immediately started comparing myself to them. That's when my whole lack of confidence began. I range between a size 8 and 10, and I've never once been picked on for my weight. Yet I still despise my body, all because of the way social media portrays the 'perfect body'. I don't have a thigh gap and I literally don't care. Having a thigh gap isn't a necessity for me at all. I think we let social media influence our thoughts way too much.
Anxiety. Anxiety is something I suffer with and have done for the past four years. It's not a choice and if I could get rid of it I would. The thing is, everybody has anxiety, just some people have it more severe than others. I suffer with social anxiety, especially around eating out, I'd much rather stay in doors and eat with my family or friends in the comfort of my own home. Than out in a restaurant where we are surrounded by a bunch of people who I don't know. A lot of people who I've told about my anxiety always tell me to just 'stop worrying' and to stop 'over-thinking'. Trust me it's not that simple. It's also not just a case of people being nervous or worried about things. Whenever my anxiety is particularly bad, I often take my dog for a long walk and leave my phone behind. Checking social media when you're anxious doesn't help. Never assume anxiety isn't a big deal, because to the person who's suffering with anxiety, it is.
Showing my emotions is something I suffer with. When I love somebody, obviously I'll make sure they know that. I always make sure my friends and family know that I love them. However, if I'm upset or just feeling crappy. I won't hardly ever show it. I build up a barrier and keep it all inside. Which makes everything a whole lot worse, Which then leads to me over-thinking. My friends always tell me to stop doing this, because I often get myself wound up and upset myself even more. One of the main reasons why I very rarely show my emotions is because I don't want my mood to kill others. When my nan passed away, obviously I was heartbroken but I still felt awful about being in a horrid mood and bringing others down with me.
I like most people have a lot of insecurities. I always feel like I'm not good enough. I always feel like people are looking for something better than me. Eurgh lets discuss my nose, I HATE IT, My sister used to call my nose a ski slope and ever since then I've hated it, It's something I hate about myself so much and forever will most likely. Just my skin in general. I dislike not wearing make-up, without it I don't feel very confident. I don't wear make-up to impress others, ever. I don't spend hours contouring my face for somebody to take one glimpse and not even notice how long I've spent on it, Neither do I spend endless amounts of money on MAC lipsticks for boys, who don't know the difference between Russian Red and Ruby Woo. I hate when people comment on the amount of make-up you're wearing. Why does it affect you. At school because they know about my blog and my love for makeup, people always assume I'm 'caked' in make-up. This pisses me off very much. Who cares if I am wearing to much too makeup. It makes me feel good so leave me be.
Ramble over. For now. I've missed this little space, very much!
♥
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