On 22nd January 2016 around 1am, my nan fell asleep with my family around her. My beautiful nan has gone to heaven. My nan was battling cancer for many years and we had ups and downs throughout. If you knew my nan you would know she was an amazing, beautiful women who was such an inspiration to us all. Her smile would light up the whole room and make everybody's day a whole lot brighter and happier. She was the happiest person with the wackiest sense of humour. Her jokes would have you in fits of laughter and I'd always end up in tears from laughing. My nan is the reason I am as strong as I am now.
Nan was our family's rock, she gave us all strength and the courage to do whatever we wanted and to never give up. Even when nan was in the most excruciating pain she would smile and laugh just to make her family happy. When I found out nan had cancer I didn't know how to react. I wanted to think positively and not allow it to get to me. I was strong a lot of the time( although I am in tears as you read this ). To tell you the truth throughout nans whole battle of cancer I mainly felt numb. You never think these sorts of things will happen to you and your family. But they do. The emotions however have hit me fully right now.
My family are all heartbroken. We have done the hardest parts, the funeral and the burial of her ashes. I still don't feel like I have fully grieved from the loss of my nan and I don't know if it will ever hit me properly. I sometimes forget that nans not here anymore, mainly because I think about her all the time and all the memories we shared. I know nan will always be a massive part of my life. I can't wait to have children of my own and tell them about my amazing nan who thought such a tough battle, until she left us peacefully. I am so proud of my nan and I am so proud to say I am one of her grandchildren. She helped shaped me into who I am today and without her guidance I'd be lost.
Nan had the most beautiful, heart aching funeral. I know she'd be proud of us all.
Nan had the most beautiful, heart aching funeral. I know she'd be proud of us all.
I loved going to my nans house on Boxing Day and spending the day with the whole family, eating a lot of left over food and playing games. Just having fun. Something I will never get back. At least not with my nan any more. Last year was my nans 66th birthday. It was a lovely day and I'm glad I got that last birthday with her. She was so happy and had done her makeup all pretty. She looked stunning. I try to focus on all the good memories I have with her. Sometimes it all gets too much. I especially loved popping in to see her at a weekend when she'd get out more food than necessary and made sure you always left her house full.
I mainly feel anger right now, I was heartbroken and still am. But at this moment in time I am angry and frustrated because all I want is to share one last special moment with my beautiful nan. I took time with my nan for granted because part of me always thought she would be with me forever. I believed nan would watch me leave school, go to uni and maybe even start a family of my own. I know nan will witness all these things from up in heaven as she watches over me. I want my nan back. She was so young. My mum is a carer for the elderly and she looks after people of 90+ who are still able to walk around and look after themselves. So why at 66 was my nan made bedbound?! WHY. It isn't fair.
Cherish those moments with loved ones. Because before you know it they are stolen from you, I feel robbed. Make every moment precious, And take lots of photos. Don't take those moments for granted. Family is everything. I am so proud of my family and I couldn't ask for a better bunch of people.
The aim of this post was to let out my emotions, I did. It helped.
I love you forever nan, you will always be a huge part of my life. I miss you so much. Sleep tight.
♥
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